Wednesday, March 17, 2010

A shot of integrity

I was recently thinking about what a healthy relationship is... My mind spun with different theories, concepts and idea's on how to acquire and keep what every human being strives for, unconditional love.

My grandmother recently passed away and it got me thinking about all the relationships I have, be it friends, family, men, even pets. What these people/animals (take that as you like) meant to me? How involved I was in their lives and vice versa? I realized a few things...

1. Love should be unconditional and constant.

2. Integrity is the biggest factor in healthy relationships

3. Dependability is non-negotiable

Many people are thinking, integrity? I know that's important but what about honesty, trust, loyalty, respect, the list goes on.. But this is the thing, integrity breeds all the other necessary actions and emotions that make for a successful and happy relationship. If you truly respect a person you will act with integrity, and if you have integrity you will always have respect, it's a circle that is constant.

Integrity forms a relationship that is based on respect, trust, and honesty. Without these things you don't even have a relationship, what you have is a toxic idealised fantasy that is more of an addiction then a partnership.

You see, right there, that is a key word, Partnership. The idea that you are a partner in something, you work together and respect one another; not because you have to, but because respect is a something that you offer to everyone, it is a part of who you are and therefor transfers over. There is no underlining factor, you love them and therefor you respect them.

This is such an important thing to learn early on, especially when it comes to respecting yourself. The problem with so many women and men today is that we have a lack of self-respect that hinders us in ways we cant even begin to comprehend. It's a little demon in a green suit that lives inside your brain telling you things that aren't OK, are.. It teases you and helps you to create excuses instead of seeing the clear picture. This demon is nothing more then a blockage to your own personal growth and ability to have a relationship based on the necessary factors that promote success.

Think about all the times your boyfriend, husband, friends etc has done something disrespectful to you, now think about the times you have stood up for yourself and the times you have ignored it making excuses for them. Add it up... What did you get? Maybe a lack of self respect? Just a guess.

Remember and I cannot drill this into peoples heads enough...


Without respect there is no integrity, without integrity there is nothing, period.
Now I am tired, so tomorrow we will go into the concept of unconditional love and dependability... Get excited kids, the fun has only just begun.
PS: You can put the demon in any color suit you want.


  1. I REALLY want to contribute to this, but you pretty much summed it up perfectly.

    And my demon wears a snappy red and black number.

  2. I'm just a fan of your view... It's reminds me this text :
    "Love has patience, is kind; love is not envious; love is not vain, is not puffed up; does not behave indecently, does not pursue its own things, it is not is not rude,it is not self-seeking, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth.
    Love quietly covers all things, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.." 1 Co. 13:4-8 - The Bible.

  3. For me, the book Real Love by Greg Baer talks about the difference between "Real Love" and "Imitation Love."
    I bought a case of them to give to some of my patients. Ill mail you one too if you want.

    Dr. Drew