Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Love is blind, this is what they say, right? Well if love is truly blind, it means we never see the reality of a situation; I think this may be the reason for so many unhappy relationships. The problem is that we are not taught at any point in our life how to choose a partner. We have classes in school about cooking, math, history, sports; but never is there a class about relationships, we are taught to take care of ourselves mentally and physically, but not emotionally. No one person actually sits you down and tells you the things to think about and look for prior to entering a committed relationship. We are only taught "when you know you know." Well obviously due to the divorce rate, this is an inaccurate statement.

You meet someone and in the beginning its all wonderful, everyone is on their best behavior. But as the months go by so does that need to be a good little boy or girl all the time. We become comfortable and it is then that we have to start asking ourselves the right questions. Do not be blinded by those feelings of "love" or what you think to be love because your hormones are so overwhelmed that your rational decision making ability is temporarily hindered.

All women everywhere want someone to make them feel safe, protected, cared for, appreciated, but most of all... Loved. The problem is that most of us are so desperate for this affection we will apply it where it's not deserved or right for us. Example, I will share my own personal (redundant I know) story. I like call this "THE GREG PHINDER EXPERIENCE" Greg and I met one night in a crowded club and I was smitten from "can I buy you a drink?". He was perfect, smart, handsome, charming, he drove a cool car, he even had an accent. It was a dream. But that's the problem, thats all it was... A dream.

Greg and I went on to have a year relationship. I was infatuated, I thought he was the end all be all. But after a devastating breakup I realized that the reality of our relationship was horrible, I was under-xappreciated, disrespected, and worst of all, he didn't love me. I had a severe case of fairytaleitis (reference to past blog) When I sat myself down with a pen and paper, I realized I was lucky, lucky to be free of a condemning and unhealthy relationship. And then it hit me.... You see everyone, man or woman who has been in your life should teach you something, whether good or bad about yourself. They should teach you the way you want a relationship to be. A great exercise is to write down your "experiences" and figure out what you enjoyed and liked about that person/situation, also, more importantly what you didn't like and found to be unacceptable behavior. Through this you need to analyze why you feel this way and whether or not it's a justified emotion, or that neurotic and over-emotional/suspicious woman that lives inside every one of us even if only coming out very rarely. Once you know yourself well enough and are truly honest with yourself about the kind of person you want to love you but more important that you want to love you will find it. Because if you don't know what you're looking for, how can you find it?. If you're blind, how can you see?


  1. hi Lexie,good post is reflexive
    i think that the love is a ilusion for feed our selfishness. no?:)
    are you the real lexi?¿

  2. Check out the book, "The Five Languages of Love" by Chapman. In understanding oneself, it is best to know what it is, exactly, that makes YOU feel loved. Your Dad has the book, but I doubt he's ever read it. I gave it to him in 2007; it has a red cover.

    One more thing, it's not ALL about finding the right person--it's being the right person.

    Understand we are all pathologically connected--that's the danger of the concept, "You know it when you know it". Look to those who are successful in their relationship; there you will find answers beyond your immediate world. That's what I did when I was your age. We just celebrated our 29th anniversary March 2nd. Good luck! Hope it helps.