Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Love is blind, this is what they say, right? Well if love is truly blind, it means we never see the reality of a situation; I think this may be the reason for so many unhappy relationships. The problem is that we are not taught at any point in our life how to choose a partner. We have classes in school about cooking, math, history, sports; but never is there a class about relationships, we are taught to take care of ourselves mentally and physically, but not emotionally. No one person actually sits you down and tells you the things to think about and look for prior to entering a committed relationship. We are only taught "when you know you know." Well obviously due to the divorce rate, this is an inaccurate statement.

You meet someone and in the beginning its all wonderful, everyone is on their best behavior. But as the months go by so does that need to be a good little boy or girl all the time. We become comfortable and it is then that we have to start asking ourselves the right questions. Do not be blinded by those feelings of "love" or what you think to be love because your hormones are so overwhelmed that your rational decision making ability is temporarily hindered.

All women everywhere want someone to make them feel safe, protected, cared for, appreciated, but most of all... Loved. The problem is that most of us are so desperate for this affection we will apply it where it's not deserved or right for us. Example, I will share my own personal (redundant I know) story. I like call this "THE GREG PHINDER EXPERIENCE" Greg and I met one night in a crowded club and I was smitten from "can I buy you a drink?". He was perfect, smart, handsome, charming, he drove a cool car, he even had an accent. It was a dream. But that's the problem, thats all it was... A dream.

Greg and I went on to have a year relationship. I was infatuated, I thought he was the end all be all. But after a devastating breakup I realized that the reality of our relationship was horrible, I was under-xappreciated, disrespected, and worst of all, he didn't love me. I had a severe case of fairytaleitis (reference to past blog) When I sat myself down with a pen and paper, I realized I was lucky, lucky to be free of a condemning and unhealthy relationship. And then it hit me.... You see everyone, man or woman who has been in your life should teach you something, whether good or bad about yourself. They should teach you the way you want a relationship to be. A great exercise is to write down your "experiences" and figure out what you enjoyed and liked about that person/situation, also, more importantly what you didn't like and found to be unacceptable behavior. Through this you need to analyze why you feel this way and whether or not it's a justified emotion, or that neurotic and over-emotional/suspicious woman that lives inside every one of us even if only coming out very rarely. Once you know yourself well enough and are truly honest with yourself about the kind of person you want to love you but more important that you want to love you will find it. Because if you don't know what you're looking for, how can you find it?. If you're blind, how can you see?

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

A shot of integrity

I was recently thinking about what a healthy relationship is... My mind spun with different theories, concepts and idea's on how to acquire and keep what every human being strives for, unconditional love.

My grandmother recently passed away and it got me thinking about all the relationships I have, be it friends, family, men, even pets. What these people/animals (take that as you like) meant to me? How involved I was in their lives and vice versa? I realized a few things...

1. Love should be unconditional and constant.

2. Integrity is the biggest factor in healthy relationships

3. Dependability is non-negotiable

Many people are thinking, integrity? I know that's important but what about honesty, trust, loyalty, respect, the list goes on.. But this is the thing, integrity breeds all the other necessary actions and emotions that make for a successful and happy relationship. If you truly respect a person you will act with integrity, and if you have integrity you will always have respect, it's a circle that is constant.

Integrity forms a relationship that is based on respect, trust, and honesty. Without these things you don't even have a relationship, what you have is a toxic idealised fantasy that is more of an addiction then a partnership.

You see, right there, that is a key word, Partnership. The idea that you are a partner in something, you work together and respect one another; not because you have to, but because respect is a something that you offer to everyone, it is a part of who you are and therefor transfers over. There is no underlining factor, you love them and therefor you respect them.

This is such an important thing to learn early on, especially when it comes to respecting yourself. The problem with so many women and men today is that we have a lack of self-respect that hinders us in ways we cant even begin to comprehend. It's a little demon in a green suit that lives inside your brain telling you things that aren't OK, are.. It teases you and helps you to create excuses instead of seeing the clear picture. This demon is nothing more then a blockage to your own personal growth and ability to have a relationship based on the necessary factors that promote success.

Think about all the times your boyfriend, husband, friends etc has done something disrespectful to you, now think about the times you have stood up for yourself and the times you have ignored it making excuses for them. Add it up... What did you get? Maybe a lack of self respect? Just a guess.

Remember and I cannot drill this into peoples heads enough...


Without respect there is no integrity, without integrity there is nothing, period.
Now I am tired, so tomorrow we will go into the concept of unconditional love and dependability... Get excited kids, the fun has only just begun.
PS: You can put the demon in any color suit you want.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Fairy Taleitis

Alright kiddies lets start at the source... Women are by nature emotional creatures; Men are by nature Assholes. Yet when you combine these two very different natures of the same species you get mass quantities of miscommunication, drama, emotional turmoil and tears. This is an obvious fact known by all, but the question remains... Why?

Want my opinion? (Doesn't matter you're getting it anyway)

Since the dawn of time women have been pre-disposed to think men should treat them badly. They equate emotional pain with love and drama for passion.

And while I believe that most men don't really put forth enough thought, effort, consideration or time into their relationships necessary to make them happy and productive, I believe the women are more at fault for this constant merry-go-round of stress, anxiety and the syndrome of being love sick.

Take a moment and think about your past relationships; the ones that really devastated you, the ones that caused you pain you never knew existed, the ones you thought were the loves of your life...

Did you find out what I did? That is was nothing more than a fairy tale?

After careful observation I realized that I simply took the reality of what we had in the relationship and mentally turned into the fairy tale I wanted!

I didn't see the real man I was dating. No, I did not see him for who and what he truly was, but rather I fashioned him to be the man I needed him to be. I took everything he really was and altered my view of him to fit the tailor made persona I wanted... My prince! Ha!

When he didn't (couldn't) live up to my expectations, I was angry and most of all disappointed.

The key to this discovery of mine is that we as humans, not just women but all humans: Want what we want plain and simple! We have the ability to reconstruct reality to fit the picture we see in our heads, the problem is that reality always sets back in and once again we have to accept that we are living a lie.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

The Syndrome

Why is it we always want the men that don't want us?
Its like a disease and no matter how many remedies we try the ailment lingers, and when we think its gone.. We're wrong.. Its only lying doormate in the pit of your stomach, waiting for the right moment to once again tear your heart into pieces, then throw it into a blender and press puree.
But how can we prevent from catching the virus? Or is it something we're born with, like spina bifida but worse because there's no treatment.
I have decided to dedicate a portion of my life and time to finding the answer as so I might cure all women everywhere from what I like to call "treat me like shit and I'll do anything you want" syndrome. 
I will explore the causes, the symptoms and more over the possible options for curing the one thing that seems to plague every woman's life from birth till death, from daddy to husband... The idea that love hurts, cause in my opinion... It shouldn't .